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IELTS WRITING CONTEST - WEEK 1

Discussion in 'IELTS WRITING CONTEST - IWC' started by Anh Ngữ ZIM, Jul 10, 2016.

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  1. HanhNgan

    HanhNgan New Member

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    Nowadays, because of the greenhouse effect, the Earth becomes warmer markedly. Viet Nam is a tropical country which has extremely hot summer. So in this season, the demand for air conditioning is extremely numerous and it leads to overloading national power grid, especially, in the big cities. What are the reasons of this problems? And how does this affect on our lives?

    It is true that nobody want to work, study or sleep in a flaming environment. It makes us feel uneasy. So it's difficult to do everything effectively when we are drenched in sweat. However, in now modern life, people use air-conditioners as a best way to reduce the heat of the summer. We can see the air-conditioners everywhere: at the offices, at the cafes or the restaurants , at large shopping malls or supermarkets, at the companies or at bedrooms. In some places, they are used in a whole day, and of course, they can't have a rest! In my point of view, this is a main reason that makes a huge strain on the citywide electricity grid. There are also some causes of this problems, such as the demand for using electricity is increasing day by day, yet, the electricity is drying up step by step.

    I strongly believe that there are many negative consequences in using air-conditioner excessively. Firstly, it costs too much money to pay the electric bill instead of investing in public services like health care service, education or transport. Moreover, I am convinced that air-conditioners are not good for our health. This easily leads to the skin and respiratory diseases. Last but not least, this is also one of the reasons causing greenhouse effect.

    In conclusion, there are many causes and bad problems of using air-conditioner excessively in our life. This led to a most worrying issue at present, it is global warming.
     

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  2. Mong Diep

    Mong Diep New Member

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    Air conditioning system is becoming popular especially among the tropical countries like Viet Nam, and it is over-used in the summer while the temperature is extremely hot and humid. There are many reasons for people using air conditioner excessively, which have a great negative impacts on the family budget and the environment.

    Using air conditioner, which cooling the air temperature, brings many benefits to people health. Firstly, cool air helps increase the efficiency of human being. In fact, when people suffer from the heat wave, not all the heat from the body is released so people must feel uncomfortable which causes irritation of mind and lack of concentration. In addition, air conditioner creates healthy environment because the enclosed room will be less exposed to the dust, dirt particle or noises. Without these harmful factors, the air that people breath would be far more fresh, which help strengthen the immune system and sharpen people mind.

    However, over-use of air conditioner affects the financial of the family and is unfriendly to the environment. Because the electricity consumption of the air conditioning system is very high, family has to pay higher bills and this puts the heavy burden on the family budget especially the low-income people. Furthermore, because this system puts enormous demand on electricity system which using fossil fuel for operating, it indirectly contributes to the increase of carbon dioxide release. This substance is the reason for green house effect which causes global warming.

    In conclusion, because the air conditioning system helps to improve living standard, it is widely used in hot summer. However, the excessive use of this artificial cooling system causes a lot of problems for people and the environment.
     

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  3. Anh Ngữ ZIM

    Anh Ngữ ZIM Master Staff Member

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    Danh sách bài đạt chuẩn theo quy định của contest được tính đến bài của bạn @fanminguye các bạn nhé ;)những bạn nộp chậm hơn cố gắng tham gia tuần tới nha;);)
     

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  4. kentarokun

    kentarokun New Member

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    In recent times, tremendous summer heat in Vietnam has resulted in rising demand for air conditioning, which triggers electrical overload. This essay will discuss the reasons for this phenomenon and its consequences.

    This common electrical problem due to overuse of air-conditioners stems from rises in standard of living and manufacturing. On the one hand, as level of income has become higher than in the past, better financial condition enables people to more effectively prevent them from high temperature in summers by using air-conditioners while just a decade ago, few household could afford it. On the other hand, cooling systems are installed in most workplace to create more comfortable working condition; thereby ensuring the productivity of employees and duration of electrical devices during burning days. When such a huge number of high-capacity machines are run simultaneously, it is inevitable that the total volume of power consumption will place a burden on the electricity grid.

    Several problems from the excessive use of air-conditioners can be seen. Such burden on electric power system can pose high risk of electrical overload, plaguing daily life and industries. If too much strain is put on the distribution system, residential areas may suffer from power failure, which means cooling equipment and other household electronic appliances cannot be run. Power outages also bring production lines or machines to an abrupt halt, and this will translate into breakdown of machinery and loss of productive time. More importantly, in long terms, the environment can be threatened because of harmful emissions not only from the process of generating electricity for running an increasingly more number of air-conditioners but also from air-conditioners themselves.

    In conclusion, with material life in Vietnam being improved at high speed, recently problems of electrical outage and environment pollution have been posed due to growing demand for air-conditioners. To tackle these problems, cooling systems should be used more properly, and renewable energy use can be an option
     

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  5. HuongHani

    HuongHani New Member

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    The advancement in electronic amenities such as air-conditioners has done wonders to render life much more comfortable during a hot summer in Vietnam. However, the overuse of air-conditioners has led to a heavy onus born on the citywide electricity grid. It is my belief that there are some main causes of this trend and many inevitable problems that are entailed.

    One of the biggest reasons is that the temperature in Vietnam's summer is more and more extreme, excessing human's endurance. This makes clear why many are heightening their reliance on utilizing air-conditioners, resulting in a habit to the extent that it is impossible to give up. To illustrate, the existence of air-conditioner has rapidly proliferated, from homes, restaurants, coffee shops to offices and so on. In addition, improved income can be seen as another cause. The more money people earn, the higher they expect for their life's quality. Thus, many want to feel a cooling atmosphere at their own home after a hard-working day.

    it is undoubtedly true that this issue is associated with ample consequences. One of the most serious consequences is environmental problems. The enormous usage of air-conditioners has linked to emit the emission of the greenhouse. This is also the culprit for the widespread of global warming, melting icebergs, rising sea level and so on. The second detrimental impact is health consequences. Should citizens are familiar with an air-conditioned environment, their immune system will curb sharply. Many a case that lots of people have a shock between air-conditioned temperature and normal temperature, linked to sudden strokes or cardiac arrests.

    In conclusion, a number of problems involved which can be circumvented provided users can self-regulate themselves properly.
     

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  6. Anh Ngữ ZIM

    Anh Ngữ ZIM Master Staff Member

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    KẾT QUẢ CUỘC THI IWC TUẦN 1

    Một số nhận xét:
    • Có thể đây là lần đầu các bạn tham gia nên phong độ chưa được tốt nhất, chỉ có 4 điểm cao nhất đạt 6.0.
    • Các admin rất hoan nghênh tinh thần tham gia IWC của cả nhà, để khuyến khích mọi người, trong đợt này Diễn đàn vẫn trao giải ZIM G, S và C cho các bạn.
    • Danh sách các bạn được giải như sau:
      • Quy Tran - 6.0 - ZIM G - Giải thưởng 200.000 VNĐ
      • buithuha1998 - 6.0 - ZIM S - Giải thưởng 100.000 VNĐ
      • linhtkhanh - 6.0 - ZIM C - Giải thưởng 50.000 VNĐ
      • viper_12358 - ZIMC - Giải thưởng 50.000 VNĐ
    • Ngày mai các admin sẽ public nhận xét cho từng bài tham gia đúng quy định trong đợt này, ảnh dưới là kết quả điểm làm bài của các bạn
    • Các bạn trúng thưởng comment số điện thoại vào bên dưới để admin liên hệ gửi phần thưởng nhé
    Chúc cả nhà buổi tối vui vẻ ha:p

    IWC 1ST.png
     

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  7. viper_12358

    viper_12358 New Member

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    0985169255

    Hy vọng là tuần này sẽ đỡ hơn :(
     

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  8. HuongHani

    HuongHani New Member

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    Tham khảo

  9. Linhtkhanh

    Linhtkhanh New Member

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  10. Anh Ngữ ZIM

    Anh Ngữ ZIM Master Staff Member

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    Chúc mừng 2 bạn nhé :)
     

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  11. buithuha1998

    buithuha1998 New Member

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  12. QuyTran

    QuyTran New Member

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  13. tungnguyen812

    tungnguyen812 New Member

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    sang tuần 2 mà sao vẫn chưa có bài sửa của tuần 1 v ad?
     

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  14. Anh Ngữ ZIM

    Anh Ngữ ZIM Master Staff Member

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    OVERALL: 5.5

    TR 6.0

    Good structure, although you need to cut down the number of words, be more precise

    CC 5.0

    Some sentences are a little bit childlike, which is not suitable for an argumentative essay (e.g: . For instance, my parents always sleep within air-conditioners, and they could not sleep if they sleep without it.

    Some sentences are a bit awkward, especially when you try to paraphrase it

    LR 5.0

    Good use of words and linking phrases, however, you should try to use different words to paraphrase it

    Focus more on the task of each sentence, rather than paraphrasing

    GRA 6.5

    Minor grammar errors, other than that, you did a good job!
     

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  15. Anh Ngữ ZIM

    Anh Ngữ ZIM Master Staff Member

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    Overall: 5.5

    TR: 6.0
    Met the basic requirements of the essay

    CC: 5.0
    Some ideas are confusing and not coherent
    Sentences tend to be over complicated and some are not linked to the others

    LR: 5.5

    Poor choice of words and lack of thorough understanding of the words, making sentences unnecessarily long and complicated without explaining the idea

    GRA: 5.0
    Verbs and linking words are not used properly
     

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