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IELTS WRITING CONTEST - WEEK 13

Discussion in 'IELTS WRITING CONTEST - IWC' started by Hoàng ZIM, Oct 9, 2016.

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  1. tontuvinh

    tontuvinh Master

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    tontuvinh: phone number: 01267688156.
    Cảm ơn ZIM nhiều nhé!
     

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  2. Paul Etton

    Paul Etton Master

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    My phone number is 0978855438
    Cảm ơn ad và cuộc thi giàu ý nghĩa này ạ.
     

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  3. Lana Dinh

    Lana Dinh Master

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    It is argued that having a global language is better for people all over the world. I completely agree with this idea.

    Firstly, there is greater understanding between countries when people speak in the same language. To be more precise, nowadays, there are a lot of cultural exchange programs for high school or university students. Therefore, it is a great chance if all people speak one language. Students can feel free to share their culture, manners for their foreign friends. Also, with all people speaking the same languages, there will be less barriers and therefore tourism would develop dramatically and tourists can have various chances to discover more natural wonders of the other countries.

    Secondly, the global language can help economic growth. It is clear that if everyone spoke one language, there would be completely understanding among entrepreneurs, businesses and governments. As a result, they can easily share experiences and exchanges goods, therefore trade would flourish between countries.

    Last but not least, science and technology would enable greater development. As you know, science plays an important role in our daily life, which makes life become better by inventing sufficient products such as washing machines, air conditioners or smart phones. Thus, global communication is very important in order to develop science and technology. From that, more technique will be exchanged and more products will be invented by the scientists all over the world. Consequently, it makes our life better.

    In conclusion, all people speak one language is very necessary for the life. I strongly believe people will get more profits from global language.
     

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  4. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    593
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    322
    OVERALL: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    The essay is a bit too long, some of the sentences should be shortened and be more precise

    CC: 5.5

    Your fluency is good however

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases

    e.g: Nowadays, globalized tendency rises a suggestion that it would be better

    this tendency would kill the variety of languages

    Some sentences are too long and should be cut down or be divided into 2 sentences

    LR: 6.0

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.5

    Quite a few grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    e.g: the difference of languages in each countries

    Try to use more complex sentences to raise your band-score

    There are still many spelling errors, you should checkk again affterr finished

    e.g: assemblance
     

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  5. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
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    OVERALL: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    You should merge the second and the third paragraphs, because they all add up to your first opinion

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.0

    There are many misused words and phrases

    Some illustrations for your ideas are rather redundant

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    Some sentences are too long and should be cut down or be divided into 2 sentences

    e.g: For example, it is often the case that people communicate with foreigners through the social network with the only help of English language, which is considered as the international language and they also share their views and ideas that are global in scale.


    LR: 5.5

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.5

    There are still many grammatical mistakes

    e.g: much more easy and effective

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    e.g: due to the greater influence

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences
     

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  6. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    593
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    322
    OVERALL: 5.5

    TR: 5.5

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed, however

    The essay is quite over-length. A more short and precise essay would be more recommended

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.0

    There are many misused words and phrases

    e.g: however the fact turns out that the seller does not get the faintest idea of our desires.

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 5.5

    You need some improvement with your range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.5

    Several grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    e.g: it is obvious that the difference in the languages

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences

    There are still some spelling errors
     

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  7. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    593
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    322
    OVERALL: 4.5

    TR: 4.0

    The essay is under-length

    Overall, you have good ideas, but you don’t seem to illustrate them clear enough in your essay

    CC: 4.5

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases

    e.g: cost a property for language education.

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    e.g: Each languages may represent national tradition and many long-standing values , which are related to the historical backgrounds and patriotism of?

    LR: 5.0

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 4.5

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    e.g: Each languages

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences

    There are still many spelling errors
     

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  8. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    593
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    322
    OVERALL:6.0

    TR: 6.5

    You’ve adressed the task effectively with a well-constructed essay, however,

    The ideas given arearen’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.5

    There are many misused words and phrases

    Some illustrations for your ideas are rather redundant

    Some sentences are confusing and taken a bit out of context

    e.g: This world is becoming really tedious and one-coloured

    There, hence, is no more a lack of mutual understanding

    LR: 6.0

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.5

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    e.g: It is because of sharing the same language that renders the trading deals amongst countries as an example easier and more efficacious.
     

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  9. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    593
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    322
    OVERALL: 5.0

    TR: 5.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    The ideas given are suitable for the topic, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences. Many sentences are wrong in grammar, which will lower your task response’s score

    e.g: While I accept that this trend may suitable in some ways, but I

    CC: 4.5

    You need to work on your fluency

    e.g: this trend can affect to both culture and economic of countries

    People may feel less attractive or interested

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 5.0

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Lots of grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences
     

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  10. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    593
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    322
    OVERALL: 4.5

    TR: 5.0

    You’ve adressed the question asked, however,

    The ideas given aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences. You need some adjustments in getting your point across.

    CC: 4.5

    There are many misused words and phrases

    e.g: then they might lose their nature and, even local traditions and beliefs

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    Some sentences are too long and should be cut down or be divided into 2 sentences

    e.g: Not to mention that there is a need in change the education system and this could require a huge govermental budgets and take a considerable mount of time which is not suitable for a developing country like Vietnam.

    LR: 5.0

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 4.0

    Lots of grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences

    There are still some spelling errors
     

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  11. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    593
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    322
    OVERALL: 4.0

    TR: 4.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    The essay is 3-word under-length

    Overall, you have good ideas, but you don’t seem to illustrate them clear enough in your essay

    You forgot your personal opinion of the aforementioned topic in your conclusion
    CC: 4.0

    You need to work on your fluency

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases

    e.g: Second, there will be no interesting in language

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    You need to avoid ambiguity e.gAnd finally we can do many things with others

    LR: 4.0

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 4.0

    Lots of grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    e.g: we can understand each others more

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences
     

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  12. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    The essay is a bit over-length (>320)

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.5

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases

    e.g: resulting in their gradual appearance

    one of the most significant advantages associated with a monolingual world is the better appreciation between countries

    Some illustrations for your ideas are rather redundant

    there would be more international sympathiesand equalities between not only countries but also worldwide inhabitants.

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    Some sentences are too long and should be cut down or be divided into 2 sentences

    LR: 6.0

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.5

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Some sentences are dark in meaning, some aren’t qualified to be a sentence (e.g:…)

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences
     

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  13. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
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    322
    OVERALL: 4.5

    TR: 5.0

    The ideas given aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences. You need some adjustments in getting your point across.

    CC: 4.0

    You need to work on your fluency

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases

    e.g: without the help form an interpreter

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    e.g: the whole globe is just a meter way

    LR: 4.5

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    Some illustrations for your ideas are rather redundant

    e.g: Nowadays, some languages are gradually disappearing in every year to some extent

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 4.5

    Many grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences
     

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  14. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 4.0

    TR: 4.5

    You’ve adressed the question asked, however,

    The ideas given aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences. You need some adjustments in getting your point across.

    You forgot your personal opinion of the aforementioned topic in your conclusion

    CC: 4.0

    You need to work on your fluency

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases

    e.g: The idea that, the world should use the same speaking tongue in any aspect.

    There are variety advantages when using same talking words

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 4.0

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 4.0

    Lots of grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    e.g: Although I agree that speaking the same language, will create more benefits to the world, but I believe that there are some vital problems if do so.

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences
     

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  15. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 5.0

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences. You need some improvement in getting your points across

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases

    e.g: There are several reasons why human being should talk to each other in the same language.

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 5.0

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    e.g: in some places in the world nowadays, people who cannot use English are often isolated from the community nowadays

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences
     

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