Sponsored

IELTS WRITING CONTEST - WEEK 14

Discussion in 'IELTS WRITING CONTEST - IWC' started by Hoàng ZIM, Oct 16, 2016.

Follow IELTS Forum để cập nhật những bài học và tài liệu mới:

  1. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    Về cơ bản thì bài bạn chưa là 1 essay ^^
    Overall: 3.0

    TR: 3.0

    CC: 3.0

    LR: 3.0

    GRA: 3.0
     

    Share This Page

  2. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    Overall: 5.0

    TR: 5.0

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but you don’t seem to illustrate them clear enough in your essay

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    Firstly, the customer experience has the most important impact in achieving success for companies in all industries.

    Therefore, the more experiences that users might undertake leads to more possibility for selling these products

    As a result, the buyer will doubt the quality of that pan and maybe they will choose another one with Thailand quality, for example.
    In that case, the purchasers will prefer the one with better experiences comparing to the others because of having real experiences or using a product trial will help them have more belief in the worth of the product.

    LR: 5.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Quite a few grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning
     

    Share This Page

  3. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    Overall: 6.0

    TR: 6.0

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 6.0

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    It is that effort of the company that helps the employers avoid bankruptcy and force the economy to become competitive

    Another reason no less important for my point of view is the negative effects of experiences undergone by customers on themselves and economy as well.

    Only by becoming more open-minded to purchase other products they have yet to try do the customers pick a chance of experiencing highly standardized products

    LR: 6.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.5

    Quite a few grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning
     

    Share This Page

  4. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    Overall: 5.0

    TR: 5.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    The ideas given are suitable for the topic, however, your fluency needs to be worked on more

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    Recent years have witnessed burgeoning demands for a wide range of products from inexpensive domestic tools to astronomical international goods leading to the widespread opinion that the quality of products should be attached more importance than customer experience

    For this reason , the improvement in customer contentment is , undoubtedly, a meaningful and crucial business allocation

    This not only strengthens the relationship between buyers and producers but also is considered to be the source of sustainable competitive advantages that render one particular companies stand out from their rivals in currently stressful business market.

    LR: 5.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.5

    Quite a few grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    There are still a lot of spelling errors
     

    Share This Page

  5. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    Overall: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    The ideas given are suitable for the topic, however, your fluency needs to be worked on more

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    It is generally believed by many people that the quality of products for marketing strategy is not significantly important while others consistently hold the opinion that the trials that customers undergo when using these items must take the first priority over the real value of products

    Although the manufacturers still maintain prices or even increase higher, buyers will never look for other alternatives or give up using their current products.

    In the competitive world, products with poor quality can become one of the main factors that decrease the profitability of a vast array of companies nowadays.

    LR: 5.5

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.5

    Quite a few grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    There are still a lot of spelling errors, which indicates you didn’t review your essay after writing it
     

    Share This Page

  6. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 4.5

    TR: 5.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    The ideas given are suitable for the topic however, they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    You forgot your personal opinion of the aforementioned topic in your conclusion
    CC: 4.0

    You need to work on your fluency

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases

    e.g: others appropriate customers ‘s experiences rather than the own qualify of the products.

    Therefore, if the customers witness a great time

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    Some sentences are too long and should be cut down or be divided into 2 sentences

    LR: 4.5

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 4.0

    Lots of grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    E.g: it might be a crisis and affect to others which

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences

    There are still some spelling errors
     

    Share This Page

  7. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 6.0

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    The ideas given are suitable for the topic, however your second idea in paragraph 2 is not a support to quality, it is more leaned towards customers’ satisfaction

    CC: 5.5

    There are some misused words and phrases

    e.g: the unhappiness of the users.

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    e.g: the strategy commodities’ quality

    LR: 6.0

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 6.0

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    e.g: which every company needs to pay attention to

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Try to use more complex sentences to raise your band-score
     

    Share This Page

  8. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    The ideas given are suitable for the topic, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases

    e.g: Instead, people have a tendency to approach sth? so that they could carefully check the products

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    e.g: In fact, reliable and high qualified items play a tremendous role that provides customers with great involvement could constitute to winning and keeping these customers

    Some sentences are too long and should be cut down or be divided into 2 sentences

    LR: 6.0

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    GRA: 5.5

    There are still grammatical mistakes

    e.g: that the less products the companies have

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    Try to use more complex sentences to raise your band-score (for the ones who write okay)

    Remember to check your essay when finished
     

    Share This Page

  9. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 6.0

    TR: 6.5

    The structure to your essay is different from the basic structure used in ielts, yet it is still logical and neatly organized

    The ideas given are suitable for the topic, however, linking devices between paragraphs need to be used more effectively

    CC: 6.0

    There are a few misused words and phrases

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    e.g: they are sometimes ready to be out of the safe zone that past experiences might bring to them

    Some sentences are too long and should be cut down or be divided into 2 sentences or it can easily make your essay incoherent

    E.g: Companies commonly have to face the fierce competitions with existing ones offering same products and new ones digging into the market, thus, they need to seriously consider quality of strategy products as their characteristic to survive and stand out.

    LR: 6.0

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however

    There are still some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    GRA: 6.5

    Your grammar is good, though some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Try to use more complex sentences to raise your band-score (for the ones who write okay)
     

    Share This Page

    hihihaha likes this.
  10. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.0

    There are many misused words and phrases

    E,g: No matter how convenient and marvellous the item is

    experience about a product => on

    Some illustrations for your ideas still lack of reasons to support

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    e.g: either its price or attitude's staff => Staff’s attitude?

    Some sentences are too long and should be cut down or be divided into 2 sentences

    LR: 5.5

    You have good fluency, however

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.5

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Try to use more complex sentences to raise your band-score (for the ones who write okay)

    There are still some spelling errors
     

    Share This Page

  11. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 5.0

    TR: 5.5

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Your overall idea is sharp and neat, however, your supports aren’t clear enough

    You forgot your personal opinion of the aforementioned topic in your conclusion

    CC: 5.0

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases

    e.g: there are many factors affecting to consumer behavior

    influencing the behaviour of customers.


    Always try to avoid vague words or statements

    e.g: the most important thing

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    Some sentences are too long and should be cut down or be divided into 2 sentences

    LR: 5.0

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences
     

    Share This Page

  12. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    You forgot your personal opinion of the aforementioned topic in your conclusion

    CC: 5.5

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases

    e.g: overshadow the quality of its sample product

    quality is nowadays the foremost factor in relation to their decision making

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    Some sentences are too long and should be cut down or be divided into 2 sentences

    LR: 5.5

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Many grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences

    There are still some spelling errors. You must recheck your essay after finished
     

    Share This Page

  13. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but you don’t seem to illustrate them clear enough in your essay

    CC: 5.5

    There are some misused words and phrases

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    e.g: instead of new features that companies think it will works

    consumers' experiments are becomming competitive advantages between firms together

    LR: 5.5

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.5

    Many grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Try to use more complex sentences to raise your band-score (for the ones who write okay)

    There are still many spelling errors, you need to recheck your essay when finished
     

    Share This Page

  14. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 4.5

    TR: 4.0

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    You copied several parts from a source online, so these lines will not be scored in your essay

    You forgot your personal opinion of the aforementioned topic in your conclusion
    CC: 5.0

    You need to work on your fluency

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases

    e.g: the most effective commercial strategy is to discount

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 4.5

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 4.5

    Lots of grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    e.g: they much more rely on what they had experienced

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    e.g: People are always being impressed by the glossy photos

    There are still some spelling errors
     

    Share This Page

  15. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 6.0

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases

    e.g: While I accept that this trend may suit in some ways

    huge customers

    large customers

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 6.0

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 6.0

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Try to use more complex sentences to raise your band-score (for the ones who write okay)
     

    Share This Page

Share This Page