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IELTS WRITING CONTEST - WEEK 15

Discussion in 'IELTS WRITING CONTEST - IWC' started by IELTS Forum, Oct 23, 2016.

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  1. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    KẾT QUẢ CUỘC THI IWC TUẦN 15

    Do các admin bận khá nhiều việc nên kết quả được công bố hơi muộn một chút.
    Tuần này, xin chúc mừng bạn @Thai Black đã đạt số điểm khá cao 7.0 và dành giải thưởng ZIM G.
    Danh sách các bạn đạt giải cụ thể như sau:
    • Thai Black - 7.0 - ZIM G - Giải thưởng 200.000 VNĐ
    • haidnhumg - 6.0 - ZIM C - Giải thưởng 50.000 VNĐ
    • Le Duc Dam - 6.0 - ZIM C - Giải thưởng 50.000 VNĐ
    • matumbaman69 - 6.0 - ZIM C - Giải thưởng 50.000 VNĐ
    • phucfrost - 6.0 - ZIM C - Giải thưởng 50.000 VNĐ

    Các admin sẽ public nhận xét cho từng bài tham gia đúng quy định trong đợt này, ảnh dưới là kết quả điểm làm bài của các bạn.
    Các bạn trúng thưởng comment số điện thoại vào bên dưới để admin liên hệ gửi phần thưởng nhé

    Thân ái !
    ZIM

    KQ.png
     

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  2. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    Overall: 5.5

    TR: 5.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    The ideas given are suitable for the topic, however, your fluency needs to be worked on more

    You should also mention the problem of false acts of charity next to discussing conspiracy depicted by the mainstream media

    CC: 5.5

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    This has given rise to suspicions of the concealment and distortion of authenticity.

    To begin with, one of the most principal reasons to support the statement is that media treason has been deployed as a pejorative put-down

    Another reason worth consideration is that the pejorative not only acts as a disciplinary measure–journalists and scholars alike fear such a trenchant smear–but also as a technique to shape information and analysis

    Specifically, as blaming the mainstream media has now turned into a prevailing political tactic, the correlation should be strong between poll numbers and media coverage when taking those into account

    LR: 5.5

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 6.0

    Quite a few grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning
     

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  3. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    OVERALL: 5.0

    TR: 5.5

    The structure to your essay is not well-constructed

    The ideas in the essays aren’t well-stated

    CC: 5.0

    You need to work on your fluency

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases

    e.g: which makes them become more and more famous

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 5.0

    Your vocabulary relating to the topic should be used more efficiently

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Many grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    e.g: It is obviously that

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences
     

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  4. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    Overall: 5.0

    TR: 5.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    The ideas given are suitable for the topic, however, your fluency needs to be worked on more

    You should also mention the problem given in the essay more specifically in the opening paragraph (charity)

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    Therefore, some individuals make of those flaws to polish their name in order to make more benefits for themselves

    After all, there will be a lot of consequences left for people who believe in some celebrities or companies that do not honest to the audients.

    Actions like that are forbidden in some country and there hardly anybody support that work.

    LR: 5.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 6.0

    There are some grammatical mistakes in the essay

    Some sentences are dark in meaning
     

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  5. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    Overall: 6.0

    TR: 5.5

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    The ideas given are suitable for the topic, however, your fluency needs to be worked on more

    The closing paragraph should be more detailed and include your personal opinion more specifically

    You should also mention the problem of misused charity work

    You should only write 320 for this essay ( 334 words )

    CC: 6.0

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    It is true that there is a number of people and organizations who are attempting to gain reputation benefited by charity activities with the support of media confederacy

    This had led to a common misconception among citizen and I think that this deterioration in media has some absolute adverse effects on common benefits of society while serves just a minority of people.

    For example, the Internet allows Vietnamese people to be on track with the heating US president election between Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton, which seemed to be impossible in the past.

    LR: 6.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 6.0

    There are some grammatical mistakes

    Some sentences are dark in meaning and can be a bit confusing
     

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  6. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    Overall: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    The ideas given are suitable for the topic, however, your fluency needs to be worked on more

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    Media conspiracy has long been a real headache to society, but only recently has it been discussed to a larger extent.

    To begin, it is obvious that media conspiracy is to blame for public distrust of the whole entertainment field as well as charity organizations

    Not to mention whether she did donate or not but social reaction is shocking

    LR: 5.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 6.0

    Some grammatical mistakes can still be found

    Some sentences are dark in meaning
     

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  7. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    Overall: 6.0

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    The ideas are clearly illustrated and well-depicted, as well as logically arranged and discussed

    You should only write about 320 words ( 344 words )

    CC: 6.0

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    Nowadays, exploiting the availability of technology, the field of media has turned to a new page and by degree has penetrated into social life



    Admittedly, the major natural role of the media is that they are always loyal to the truth, and provide the public with useful, accurate and up-to-date information

    However, rather than fulfill their noble proper function, the media have easily been manipulated by some individuals, possibly because of irresistible temptation of money.

    As an outcome, despite exaggerating the reality, both the media and manipulators still remain the focal points of the whole society.

    LR: 5.5

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 6.0

    There are still some grammatical mistakes in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the
     

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  8. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    OVERALL: 6.0

    TR: 6.0

    If you’re trying to write a balanced essay, you should mention it in your introduction

    Some sentences are not well-stated and makes the essay awkward in some parts

    e.g: Media conspiracy is only a problem of those who do not believe in the truthfulness.

    CC: 5.5

    There are some misused words and phrases

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    e.g: They would have pictures gained popularity

    who solely desire to inform other contributors about the difficult situations => which difficult situations?

    LR: 6.0

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    GRA: 6.5

    Your grammar is good

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Try to use more complex sentences to raise your band-score
     

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  9. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    Overall: 6.0

    TR: 6.0

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    We are living in a developing world with a fast increase in media, and with them, the distortion of truth

    For example, in China, a lot of websites was supported by the government to post the misleading facts about history of Vietnam and wrench the Chinese conceptions.


    On the other hand, media machinations are being widely used by companies and organizations for bad personal purposes, especially in pretending to donate money or to help the poor to get a better life

    In conclusion, the media has brought significant access to news and many things in life, but its conspiracy for bad purposes must be banned and ostracized.

    LR: 6.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 6.0

    There are some grammatical mistakes in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning
     

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  10. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    595
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    Overall: 5.0

    TR: 4.0

    Your essay is extremely over-length ( 412 words), you should not write over 320 words

    The ideas given in the essay are good, but some are excessively discussed, you should consider your options more carefully and think about what should be put into a 300-word essay

    CC: 5.0

    There are many misused words and phrases:

    Over the course of time, charitable handouts have been considered a humanitarian social activity which helps the underpriviledged overcome the vicious of poverty and misery.

    For instance, some Vietnamese Misses pretend to be involved in societal voluntary campaings by donating a negligent amount of money, giving stale food or torn clothes for the unfortunate with so many journalists and photographers invited to capture their 'complimentary' behaviours

    Back to Vietnam, Mc phan Anh is recently viewed as the most active volunteers in helping inhabitants in midland regions to overcome the disastrous consequences of flood

    Such praiseworthy activists are driving force to condsolidate the mutual sympathy on the whole community, laying the foundation for a more reliable sosociety in which media conspiracy will be ceased from existence

    LR: 5.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Quite a few grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    There are still a lot of spelling errors,
     

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  11. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    OVERALL: 7.0

    TR: 6.5

    Writing in the style of an effect-solution essay is okay, but you still need to stick close to the opinion part. So the first sentence of your third paragraph, you should still state your opinion. Eg: I believe drastic measures must be taken to tackle media conspiracy

    Overall, you have good ideas. The structure to your essay is logical and well-developed

    CC: 7.0

    Your fluency is good

    There are minor misused words and phrases

    Avoid ambiguity!

    e.g: he or she was aware of the conspiracy and things remained uncertain

    LR: 7.5

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    GRA: 7.0

    Your grammar is good

    Try to use more complex sentences to raise your band-score
     

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  12. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    Overall: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but you don’t seem to illustrate them clear enough in your essay

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    In my opinion, there are pros and cons for performing this media conspiracy although, in some perspectives, it may be found immoral.

    However, as long as all funds are delivered to proper subjects at the end, using charities for reputation would cost harmlessness

    Poverty, starves or natural disasters… are uncontrollable in some countries including Vietnam.

    In examples, there was a Vietnamese model contributed 150 million VND to help people in the central of Vietnam after the flood on October 14th

    LR: 5.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 6.0

    Quite a few grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning
     

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  13. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    Messages:
    595
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    322
    Overall: 5.0

    TR: 5.0

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    You shouldn’t write above 320 words ( 414 words )

    Your ideas are good overall but some are redundant and some are not clearly illustrated

    CC: 5.0

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases:

    Subsequently, many are attempting to use their own power so as to lead the public to think towards the ways they want by performing charity work or something else, which could polish their fame

    Firstly, it is evident that charity activity or sponsor is the most popular instrument used by marketers to raise public’s awareness to celebrities or organizations

    This is due to the fact that most people seem to be sympathy with those who are unluckily living in difficult situation so that they appreciate philanthropists too

    In this country, there are some stars and large enterprises parallel with their charity work appear regularly on the mass media, by that way, their reputations are polished easily even though the public are not sure whether or not they are kindness like that.

    In recent days, this giant incorporate is facing seriously the objection and boycott of consumers because of wrong action in raising the brand awareness

    LR: 5.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Many unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Quite a few grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning
     

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  14. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    OVERALL: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The essay is a bit over-length. Try to keep your essay simple and neat.

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    You forgot your personal opinion of the aforementioned topic in your conclusion
    CC: 5.0

    There are many misused words and phrases

    e.g: many students, for instance, still get in trap

    Other singers also try to involve in scandals

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 5.5

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however it should be used more efficiently

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    e.g: a numerous number of audiences

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.5

    Many grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences
     

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  15. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    322
    Overall: 5.0

    TR: 6.0

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but you don’t seem to illustrate them clear enough in your essay

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    While readers and audiences are overwhelmed by the flood of information, some famous people and organizations take advantage of our confusion to create good images.

    For example, raising funds for poor children, a humane activity, can change people 's past point of view on a famous person who committed to infidelity, thus the number of fans buying her show's tickets went up.

    Some tabloids try to form paradoxical informations in order to evoke people's curiousity based on the fact that people psychologically tend to look things on different aspects and negative one is more exciting

    We can put an end to this situation when moral standards are respected strictly

    LR: 5.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Quite a few grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    There are still some spelling errors
     

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