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IELTS WRITING CONTEST - WEEK 17

Discussion in 'IELTS WRITING CONTEST - IWC' started by Hoàng ZIM, Nov 13, 2016.

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  1. NguyenHoangNam

    NguyenHoangNam Master

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    Tham khảo

    Technology is a great innovative creation of human being but as a rapidly growth of modern ware development, there is an opinion that radio is not fit anymore when comparing with computers and tablets. I am with this opinion mostly.

    No one denies the huge function of electronics such as radio, the enjoyable-lovely-oldman's toy. The image of an elderly person sitting and listening to radio was so familiar with many Vietnamese people's shelters. Oldster were lying and listening to radio. They were strolling and listening to radio and even they were doing exercise and listening to radio too. But that's good old days of 2000s. So mobile phone , tables, etc ... were invented for a smaller version of elderly's toy. Obviously that's so easy to handle and as a result, radio was an old fashion show. Furthermore, radio was considered as a big rectangular box that contains lots of complex stuff no one wants to know so this device had decided to evolve in order to become smaller and more convenient. No doubt that it could be so ridiculous when someone brings a radio on sidewalk and takes a hike as if they were so in love with an antique. I believe the more modern devices, the more people can use it as daily routine.
    8
    To summarize, nowadays, radio was shrunk into another devices as mobile phones, tablets and so many others modern device. It's crystal clear that I would use the one that brings me light weights, easy-handling and fashionable too so radio is irrelevant at least for me.
    P/s: I'm pretty sorry when posting it late so the judges can ignore my task, it's okay :)
     

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  2. huyenlovesmytam

    huyenlovesmytam Master

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    In the era of advanced technology, there comes a great demand for massive exposure to latest inventions namely smartphones, computers, etc. Hence, controversy has arisen as to the role of some traditional equipments. Whilst many people insist that it still holds the vital positions in their daily lives, others argue it has been put an end to considering the rapid progress in technology information. From my perspective, I absolutely concur with the later viewpoint for the following reasons.

    First and foremost, there is no room for doubt that electronic devices, nowadays, is of easy portability. To illustrate, in the past, that we usually had to hold or bring our cassettes to wherever we go seems quite uncomfortable and troublesome. However, with the aid of technological development, there has been an increasing number of convenient means which we are likely to keep them handy and let them move from one place to another.

    Added to this, these inventions are continuously updated with all aspects of life. You can broaden your knowledge by getting access to useful innovative items or websites.As an illustration, educational contents are available on the Internet, you may opt for anything to acquire vast knowledge as well as essential skills . Also, it perhaps satisfies your taste of latest music, both hearing and seeing. For instance, should you want to change list of songs, your demands will be met by clicking on Youtube or Mp3.

    In a nutsell, radios have been fell into oblivion, and the technological tools plays an indispensable part in our lives instead because of the above-mentioned reasons. It is my hope that all of people will make use of them in the most effective way.
     

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  3. td7122004

    td7122004 Master

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    Tham khảo

    In recent years, the booming development of technologies has resulted the increase of role of modern devices such as smartphones. However, although someone says radio is not significant anymore, I strongly believe that it still plays an substantial role in our lives today.

    The first reason I choose to my point of view is the number of individuals using radio. It has been thought that radio is useful only for elder people who have little knowledge about modern technologies. Conversely, there are many other types of individuals who need to use radio in specific situations. For instance, a bus or taxi driver who has to concentrate on the road still wants to update news or listen to some musics. As a result, the role of radio will be increased.

    On the other hand, radio could be exist due to its merit in tradition like book. Many people use radio for recall memories about their past more than just the functions of it. As we try to find our past via souvenirs or old toys we played when we were young, radio can be an evidence of beautiful moments of some people in the past. Radio, in addition, can be a valuable asset of them. They can share that asset with their proud and happiness, as a friend or special partner through their lives.

    To sum up, I assure that radio is still important in our lives today, despite of the development of other devices. The reason I use is the number of individuals using radio and the importance of it as a merit. I hope in the future, there will be more youngsters who realize and favor radio.

    (280 words)
     

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  4. phucfrost

    phucfrost Master

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    Tham khảo

    Over the past few decades, radios are becoming less preferable due to the proliferation and an increasing popularity of technological devices such as computers and tablets. I completely agree with the statement for the following chief causes.

    There are a couple of viable reasons for this tendency. Firstly, radios are considered old-fashioned in comparison with other innovative technological gadgets. The design of the mass medium is cumbersome, making it heavy and inconvenient to carry along the way. By contrast, tablets have ultra-thin design and metallic body, not to mention its sleek and neat surface. Secondly, electronic devices like cellphones are versatile and multifunctional as a result of technological advancements. These machines ergonomically designed with an aim of meeting people’s demands in terms of communication, entertainment, working, etc. For example, people can have access to social networking sites like Facebook or Twitter to communicate with their friends by using a tablet while playing games. Meanwhile, the main function of a radio is to broadcast news which is also its weakness, forcing it into a niche role.

    It is often supposed that the influence of radios has considered feeble since its subsidies have been declined. In fact, radios primarily rely on listeners to operate properly. Importantly, the earnings from advertising activities have significantly decreased since those of computers and tablets are more practical and profit-oriented. The number of sales is also going down, caused by increasingly fierce competition in a competitive market. Several companies which specialize in manufacturing radios experience tough crises, consequently, declaring bankrupt. Therefore, radios find itself difficult to secure a place in today’s world.

    In conclusion, the word is advancing day by day and the role of radio is gradually shrinking. I strongly believe that radio manufacturers had better adapt to change its products as well as more and more appealing programs should be introduced to the public.
     

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    Last edited: Nov 13, 2016
  5. meomeobn

    meomeobn Master

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    Tham khảo

    It is true that some modern technology devices such as computers or tablets gradually replace the function of radios in people’s daily life. While I accept that this trend may suit many people, I believe that radios still are essential for elderly people.

    On the one hand, many people prefer using computers or tablets due to some great benefits. Firstly, computers with the Internet connection can support people easily a world of knowledge. The Internet is able to provide up-to-minute news as its happens, 24 hours a day every day. As a result, many people have a tendency to read or watch news via their computer instead of using traditional devices such as radios. Secondly, many young people often find the tablets particularly handy. With a tablet, you can install some applications for not only listening radio programs but also watching many interesting videos. For example, in Vietnam, the VOV application is one of the most popular mobile applications for following news from around the world.

    On the other hand, there are some reasons why elderly people still want to use radios. One reason is that many seniors have physical conditions or health issues that make it difficult to use new technologies such as computers or tablets. Consequently, they find radios very handy with some simple functions such as turning on or off, searching channel and adjusting volume levels. Furthermore, a number of radios have low prices and it is affordable for the older generation. For example, in some rural area in Vietnam, it is rather for the residents to make ends meet, let alone to spend money on buying modern technology devices. Consequently, they have a tendency to use old radios that are contributed from many charity organizations.

    In conclusion, although I recognize that computers or tablets play important role in people’s daily life, I would argue that radios still are very necessary for seniors.
     

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  6. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    Tham khảo

    KẾT QUẢ CUỘC THI IWC TUẦN 17

    Danh sách các bạn đạt giải cụ thể như sau:
    • phananhphu - 6.5 - ZIM S - Giải thưởng 100.000 VNĐ
    • JohnSlayer - 6.0 - ZIM C - Giải thưởng 50.000 VNĐ
    (bạn tnghia99 phucfrost đạt số điểm là 6.0 nhưng do nộp muộn nên sẽ không được xét giải)

    Các admin sẽ public nhận xét cho từng bài tham gia đúng quy định trong đợt này, ảnh dưới là kết quả điểm làm bài của các bạn.
    Các bạn trúng thưởng comment số điện thoại vào bên dưới để admin liên hệ gửi phần thưởng nhé
    KQ.png
     

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  7. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    Tham khảo

    OVERALL: 4.0

    TR: 4.5

    The structure to your essay is really well-constructed

    Your essay should be an argumentative one, so using a hook “ In my childhood…” is not recommended

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 4.0

    You need to work on your fluency

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases

    e.g: corresponding with the rich of digital content

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 4.5

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 4.0

    Lots of grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    e.g: to updated information

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences
     

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  8. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    Tham khảo

    OVERALL: 5.0

    TR: 5.5

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    The ideas given are suitable for the topic, however, you need to work on illustrating your ideas

    You forgot your personal opinion of the aforementioned topic in your conclusion
    CC: 5.0

    There are quite a few misused words and phrases

    e.g: the irrelevance of the radio among other gadgets is an indispensable result

    Some illustrations for your ideas are rather redundant

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 5.5

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however it should be used more efficiently

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Several grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    e.g: provoke unique feelings like nostalgia when you accidentally hear your songs or good stories

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences
     

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  9. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    Tham khảo

    OVERALL: 4.5

    TR: 5.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed, but on the whole, it is not a good essay. Linkers aren’t effectively used. Some sentences are not grammatically correct, which leads to an incomprehensive essay

    CC: 4.0

    You need to work on your fluency

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases

    e.g: there are strong reasons, why radio is still used

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 4.5

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however it should be used more efficiently

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 4.0

    Lots of grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning, some aren’t qualified to be a sentence

    e.g: On the one hand, the important reasons why people are shifting their interest from listening to the radio to watching laptop or tablet.

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences
     

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  10. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    Tham khảo

    OVERALL: 5.5

    TR: 5.0

    The structure to your essay is not really well-constructed. You should divide the reasons into separate paragraphs because visually, the essay is not symmetrical. The ideas are okay, but they need to be more well-organised.

    You forgot your personal opinion of the aforementioned topic in your openin

    CC: 5.5

    There are some misused words and phrases

    e.g: This opinion will be discuss on both sides hereafter.

    Your third paragraph is a bit out of context

    LR: 5.5

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however it should be used more efficiently

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    GRA: 5.5

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    e.g: If people can only hear from the radio, with computers and telephones, they can also see the information with lively pictures and videos as well as discuss with each other throughout them

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    Try to use more complex sentences to raise your band-score (for the ones who write okay)
     

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  11. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    Tham khảo

    OVERALL: 5.5

    TR: 5.5

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    The essay is over-length (>320) You should write a shorter and more concise essay

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they should be illustrated clearer with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.5

    There are some misused words and phrases

    e.g: the Internet is pivotally crucial to human life because of their utility and velocity

    Some illustrations for your ideas are rather redundant

    Some sentences are too long and should be cut down or be divided into 2 sentences

    LR: 5.5

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however it should be used more efficiently

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    e.g: old people still need some inventions coming from their times, such as radio, to satisfy their thirst

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 6.0

    Several grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Some sentences are dark in meaning
     

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  12. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    Tham khảo

    OVERALL: 6.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    The essay is a bit over-length. You should write a shorter and more concise esay

    Overall, you have good ideas


    You forgot your personal opinion of the aforementioned topic in your introduction

    CC: 7.0

    There are minor misused words and phrases

    Some sentences are too long and should be cut down or be divided into 2 sentences

    LR: 6.5

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    GRA: 6.5

    Your grammar is good, though there are some mistakes

    e.g: making locals live in an impoverished state and inaccessible to luxurious high-tech gadgets like portable computers

    Try to use more complex sentences to raise your band-score
     

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  13. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    Tham khảo

    OVERALL: 6.0

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    The essay is a bit over-length. Try to write a shorter and a more concise essay

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.5

    There are some misused words and phrases

    e.g: There is a reason as to why people disused their out-of-date transceiver these days.

    You should try to sound more professional when illustrating an idea

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 6.0

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however it should be used more efficiently

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    GRA: 6.0

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay, but overall, your grammar is good

    Try to use more complex sentences to raise your band-score
     

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  14. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    Tham khảo

    OVERALL: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.5

    There are quite a few misused words and phrases

    e.g: its significant product such as internet, smartphone, etc. has created many benefits where people can get any information only by a click

    Some illustrations for your ideas still lack of reasons to support

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 5.5

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however it should be used more efficiently

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    GRA: 5.5

    Several grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    e.g: Not only having news been read but also been illustrated by graphs and colorful imagines that can make people satisfied

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences

    There are still some spelling errors
     

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  15. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    Tham khảo

    OVERALL: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.5

    There are several misused words and phrases

    e.g: With the emergency of other mass media

    Some illustrations for your ideas still lack of reasons to support


    e.g: With the popularity? of radio

    LR: 6.0

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however it should be used more efficiently

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA:

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    Try to use more complex sentences to raise your band-score
     

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