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IELTS WRITING CONTEST - WEEK 18

Discussion in 'IELTS WRITING CONTEST - IWC' started by IELTS Forum, Nov 27, 2016.

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  1. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    Overall: 6.0

    TR: 6.0

    The essay is over-length ( 356 words ), you should only write about 320 words for this essay

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    The ideas given are suitable for the topic, however, your fluency needs to be worked on more

    CC: 5.5

    First and foremost, it is universal adoptability that validates knowledge

    If students are still stimulated to cram such knowledge into their head without any cognizance of its utility and meaning to their assigned tasks, it may become useless and even counterproductive given that it renders learner’s confusion

    Therefore, the conception of knowing everything does not hold merits, especially when the knowledge is not optimally exploited and adopted in learner’s real life.

    Hence, there is a rather distinct possibility of the failure in both two areas.

    LR: 6.0

    You have an good range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    GRA: 6.0

    Very few grammatical mistakes can be found in the essay

    Some sentences are too long and can be quite confusing
     

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  2. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    Overall: 5.5

    TR: 5.5

    The essay is over-length ( 331 words ), you should only write about 320 words for this essay

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but you don’t seem to illustrate them clear enough in your essay

    CC: 5.5

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    In our contemporary era, more and more interest has been directed towards to the issue of education.

    It is believed that education systems in several countries, including Vietnam, have lured learners into the thinking of mastering all knowledge items to be successful, even if they are highly impertinent to their personal growth or professional advancement

    Personally, I strongly agree with this belief on prevailing education scenario

    In addition, immense degree of pressure and anticipation from both education trainers and society is exerted on learners to be proficient in every single subject

    Moreover, it is highly authoritative to impose loads of knowledge on learners regardless of their wishes and needs.

    LR: 5.5

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 6.0

    There are few grammatical mistakes in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning and confusing
     

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  3. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    Overall: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.5

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    Having knowledge about fundamental things in life may contribute to peoples' capital lives

    Another primary benefit of knowing everything is that a person who knows everything will be respected by other people

    For example, biology and geography are two essential subjects in school, but students do not need to master these subjects because they hardly ever apply them in real life and these subjects may not their choice when taking the university examination

    Some people choose to attend university, while others prefer dance or music as long as they obtain influence on their career.

    LR: 5.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.5

    Quite a few grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning
     

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  4. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Your sentences need to be more well-illustrated for a higher band-score

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.0

    There are several misused words and phrases

    e.g: . Hence, varied knowledge can help to know yourself better, to discover a new part.

    Some illustrations for your ideas still lack of reasons to support

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 5.5

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however it should be used more efficiently

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.5

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    e.g: There are many knowledges to be learnt, not only for today but also for the future.

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences
     

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  5. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    Overall: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    The ideas given are suitable for the topic, however, your fluency needs to be worked on more

    CC: 5.5

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    In recent years, it is not uncommon for an educational system in a country, a developing one in particular, to offer students a wide range of subjects regardless of its application

    Although this ensures general understanding about humankind knowledge, it appears more beneficial and viable for educational system to be career-oriented

    This will not only ensure an adequate development for them, but also required them with skills that are essential in their future work place.

    Second, In order for the society to develop, the future workforce have to be adept in their profession


    In conclusion, educational system from either developing or developed countries should only teach subjects that relevant to students' future career, for the own goods of students, schools and society.

    LR: 5.5

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.5

    There are some grammatical mistakes

    Some spelling errors can still be found
     

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  6. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 5.0

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Your sentences need to be more well-illustrated for a higher band-score

    You forgot your personal opinion of the aforementioned topic in your conclusion
    CC:5.0

    There are quite a few misused words and phrases

    e.g: I strongly believe they should concentrate on their aims with relevant things.

    Some illustrations for your ideas are rather redundant

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    e.g: There is an argument about whether students such as in Viet Nam should have good understanding of every aspects consisting of things aren’t useful for their furure careers

    LR: 5.0

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however it should be used more efficiently

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA:

    Lots of grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences

    There are still some spelling errors
     

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  7. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 5.5

    TR: 4.5

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Your sentences need to be more well-illustrated for a higher band-score

    The essay is too over-length. You should keep your essay short, simple and informative

    Overall, you have good ideas

    You forgot your personal opinion of the aforementioned topic in your conclusion

    CC: 5.5

    Your fluency is good, though

    There are some misused words and phrases

    e.g: in order to be excel in their studies

    Some illustrations for your ideas are rather redundant

    Some sentences are too long and should be cut down or be divided into 2 sentences

    LR: 5.5

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however it should be used more efficiently

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.5

    Minor grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    e.g: The Internet, in additional, push every of our boundary far beyond what every people’s belief in the past

    Try to use more complex sentences to raise your band-score (for the ones who write okay)

    There are still some spelling errors
     

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  8. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    Overall: 5.5

    TR: 5.0

    The essay is over-length (353 words), you should only write about 320 words for this essay

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but you don’t seem to illustrate them clear enough in your essay

    CC: 5.5

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    Therefore, I strongly believe that university should organize their courses’ programs in order to provide future employees with all the skill sharpening professional training for their specific occupation.

    I was overwhelmed with all the expectations my employer had in everyday practice, whereas there was no need at all of all the theory I had mastered throughout my studies.

    Apparently, big companies would prefer to employ a person well-equipped with all the necessary knowledge related to several positions within their range, instead of over-staffing.

    LR: 5.5

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 6.0

    Few grammatical mistakes can be found in the essay

    Some sentences can be confusing and should be simplified
     

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  9. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 6.0

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but you don’t seem to illustrate them clear enough in your essay

    You forgot your personal opinion of the aforementioned topic in your conclusion
    CC: 5.5

    There are some misused words and phrases

    e.g: already reaches a gigantic figure

    Therefore, that one has to cram his head with all the academic subjects => informal

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 6.5

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however some words should be chosen more wisely

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 6.0

    Lots of grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    Try to use more complex sentences to raise your band-score (for the ones who write okay)

    There are still some spelling errors
     

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  10. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    Overall: 5.0

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    Nowadays, education system is of great concern in each country in the world. In some countries like Viet Nam, people believe that they should know all things, including things are not meaningful

    You will get access to a variety source of knowledge of humanity about all fields such as Math, Physics, Literature,.. and social skills as well.

    Morever, as can be seen that in the modern society, employers tend to pay more attention to these above skills in job seekings.

    In addition, this makes students confused, can not determine what their strong points are and develop them

    LR: 5.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.5

    Quite a few grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    There are still a lot of spelling errors
     

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  11. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    Overall: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    The ideas given are suitable for the topic, however, your fluency needs to be worked on more

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    Furthermore, besides information and skills for the job, people should provide themselves with knowledge for their spiritual and mental life, such as survival skills or cooking skills

    Therefore, studying many subjects and getting to know a lot of things help them figure out the future they want more easily, which leads to a fact that not many people would give up their current job as they are not suitable or do not like what they are doing.

    There are many activities in daily life besides working time, however, for example, one person could not make a meal for himself if he did not learn to cook, or one person would not know he should bring along his umbrella if he did not watch the weather forecast

    LR: 5.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.5

    Quite a few grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are too long and can bedark in meaning
     

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  12. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    Overall: 5.0

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but you don’t seem to illustrate them clear enough in your essay

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    In the non-stop generation of education, it is argued that the knowledge of human should encompass information which is not concern with their development or achievements

    They are the essential theme that will help you to get the higher things on every area

    You will able to in deal with the challenges without the need of help when you have enough understanding of daily life

    In addition to, if you have the firm comprehension, which indicates that you must have been having a number of experiences, you will have many opportunities of developing your life-work

    On the contrary, not having general theme and making everything dreadfully because of the lack of understanding , you will be treated with disdain

    LR: 4.5

    Many unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 4.5

    Many grammatical mistakes can be found in the essay

    Many sentences are dark in meaning and very confusing
     

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  13. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 4.0

    TR: 4.0

    The structure to your essay is (not) well-constructed

    Your sentences need to be more well-illustrated for a higher band-score

    The essay is under-length

    You forgot your personal opinion of the aforementioned topic in your conclusion
    CC: 4.0

    You need to work on your fluency

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases

    e.g: people must have a wide knowledge to adopt

    Some illustrations for your ideas still lack of reasons to support

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 4.0

    You still have a ill range of vocabulary relating to the topic which is something you should work on more

    e.g: For example, Steve Jobs did not think about the computer font before he had entried handwriting class in university then it is a key of world-wide computers currently.

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 4.0

    Several grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences

    There are still some spelling errors
     

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  14. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 4.5

    TR: 5.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Your sentences need to be more well-illustrated for a higher band-score. From what I’m seeing, there are many grammatical mistakes in the essay, so it is not coherent.

    You forgot your personal opinion of the aforementioned topic in your conclusion

    CC: 4.0

    You need to work on your fluency

    e.g: This forces education systems must steadily update to bring all these knowledge to the school

    The world's information is increasing rapidly contributing to enlarge human knowledge.

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    Some sentences are too long and should be cut down or be divided into 2 sentences

    LR: 4.5

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 4.0

    Lots of grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences
     

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  15. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 5.0

    TR: 5.5

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.0

    There are quite a few misused words and phrases

    Eg: it may cause wasting time and physical disadvantages of further learning ability

    Some illustrations for your ideas still lack of reasons to support

    Some sentences are too long and should be cut down or be divided into 2 sentences

    LR: 5.5

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however it should be used more efficiently

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    e.g: that what subjects a person needs to study, not an obligation

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning
     

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