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IELTS WRITING CONTEST - WEEK 19

Discussion in 'IELTS WRITING CONTEST - IWC' started by Hoàng ZIM, Dec 11, 2016.

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  1. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    323
    Overall: 5.0

    TR: 5.0

    The essay is over-length (344 words), you should not write over 320 words for this essay

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    There is no point in denying that pet animals’ loyalty and characteristic have the healing power, which could relieve stress and bring great happiness for pet owners, especially those who always caught up in their own work and study

    Secondly, many individuals raise pets for wrong reasons such as status symbol or for profit, which could affect negatively household pets because owners themselves could abondon their pets whenever they feel unnecessary to feed them and leave them in the wild environment regardless of many terrible dangers their pets have to face such as traffic accidents with pets or the lack of food and clean water

    LR: 5.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.5

    Quite a few grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the
     

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  2. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    323
    OVERALL: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Your sentences need to be more well-illustrated for a higher band-score

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.5

    You need to work on your fluency

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases

    e.G: Owing domestic pets is one of the most popular leisure activities of current households

    Their beloved pets are their pure fun after hard-working hours.

    Some illustrations for your ideas are rather redundant

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 5.0

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however it should be used more efficiently

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences
     

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  3. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    323
    OVERALL: 5.5

    TR: 5.5

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Your sentences need to be more well-illustrated for a higher band-score

    Some sentences make the essay rather awkward

    e.g: they are a good source of love and energy

    CC: 5.0

    There are quite a few misused words and phrases

    Some illustrations for your ideas still lack of reasons to support

    e.g: Thus, people having them around are believed to be less vulnerable to depression and pressure.

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 5.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however it should be used more efficiently

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    GRA: 5.0

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences

    There are still some spelling errors
     

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  4. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    323
    Overall: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.5

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    Firstly, allergy is probably an extremely terrible problem to the owner’s family and friends.

    Therefore, in order to feel more relieve and reduce stress, people usually confide their stories to their pets rather than anybody else

    Moreover, playing with pets in the park often brings more fun than computer games and people can also have more chances to meet people who have same interest in pets

    Some illustrations for your ideas are still lacking of reasons to support

    LR: 5.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.5

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Some sentences are dark in meaning :

    For example, more than thousands of people are allergic to dog and cat, which are the most popular pets on the world, every year
     

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  5. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    323
    Overall: 5.5

    TR: 5.0

    The essay is over-length ( 342 words), you shouldn’t write over 320 words for this essay

    The structure of you essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.5

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    On the one side, it is widely maintained that the hobby of raising a domesticated animal costs a large amount of time and money

    As a matter of fact, people who are allergic to animals’ feather find it virtually impossible to raise a dog or cat since they will possibly suffer from asthma when being in proximity of such these animals

    Some illustrations for your ideas are rather redundant/ still lack of reasons to support

    LR: 5.5

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however it should be used more efficiently

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    GRA: 6.0

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    There are still some spelling errors
     

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  6. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    323
    OVERALL: 6.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed. It is good that you have your benefit’s paragraph longer than your drawback’s

    Your sentences need to be more well-illustrated for a higher band-score

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    e.g: In fact, lots of kinds of animals are vulnerable to hazards like illegal poaching, which has steadily driven them to the verge of extinction => not dogs or cats

    CC: 6.5

    There are a few misused words and phrases

    Some illustrations for your ideas are rather redundant

    e.g: the domestication to be pets in home will cause most species to lose their instincts

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    Some sentences are too long and should be cut down or be divided into 2 sentences

    LR: 6.0

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however it should be used more efficiently

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    GRA: 6.0

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    Try to use more complex sentences to raise your band-score
     

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  7. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    323
    Overall: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    You use a lot of strange unusual vocabulary in here, some aren’t correctly used which can lower your band-score

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.5

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    Pets is always one of the most perfect choices to share with and make people comfortable and relaxing

    People can share with them every despression and burden in the life

    It is such a helpful action to tackle with their problems in both profession and private lives

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 5.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.5

    Quite a few grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the
     

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  8. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    323
    Overall: 6.0

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.5

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    First, since companion animals often share such strong bonding and companionship with its owners, raising them are conducive to a happier and active lifestyle

    Second, by catering and adoping an animal, human ourselves, especially those who are juveniles, could have more opportunity to develop self- responsibility and benevolent towards animals

    LR: 6.0

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however it should be used more efficiently

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    GRA: 6.5

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay
     

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  9. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    323
    Overall: 5.0

    TR: 6.0

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    You use a lot of strange unusual vocabulary in here, some aren’t correctly used which can lower your band-score

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    The development of economic has given rise to the growth of number family that has a pet live with them

    On the one hand, thriving a pet likes raising another family member, which can be costly in both mental and finance.

    Certainly, with the characteristic of a pet, which are loyalty, listening, comfortable to be treated, the pet has become human’s best friend

    Some illustrations for your ideas are rather redundant/ still lack of reasons to support

    LR: 5.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Some sentences are dark in meaning:

    Firstly, a new pet is like a two years old baby who can walks, talks, curious asking about everything around their daily life, but have limited knowledge to understand what is wrong or right, therefore, often making some unproperly action

    To illustrate, a dog in Australia was dead when protecting his owner from three poisonous snakes.
     

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  10. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    323
    Overall: 5.0

    TR: 6.0

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    You use a lot of strange unusual vocabulary in here, some aren’t correctly used which can lower your band-score

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    The development of economic has given rise to the growth of number family that has a pet live with them

    On the one hand, thriving a pet likes raising another family member, which can be costly in both mental and finance.

    Certainly, with the characteristic of a pet, which are loyalty, listening, comfortable to be treated, the pet has become human’s best friend

    Some illustrations for your ideas are rather redundant/ still lack of reasons to support

    LR: 5.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Some sentences are dark in meaning:

    Firstly, a new pet is like a two years old baby who can walks, talks, curious asking about everything around their daily life, but have limited knowledge to understand what is wrong or right, therefore, often making some unproperly action

    To illustrate, a dog in Australia was dead when protecting his owner from three poisonous snakes.
     

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  11. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    323
    OVERALL: 6.0

    TR: 5.5

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Your sentences need to be more well-illustrated for a higher band-score

    The essay is over-length

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 6.0

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases

    e.g: On one hand

    having pets in homes has become prevalent

    Some illustrations for your ideas are rather redundant

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    Some sentences are too long and should be cut down or be divided into 2 sentences

    LR: 6.0

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however it should be used more efficiently

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 6.0

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Try to use more complex sentences to raise your band-score (for the ones who write okay)

    There are some spelling errors
     

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  12. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    323
    Overall: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    You should write at least 250 words for this essay (248 words)

    The ideas given are suitable for the topic, however, your fluency needs to be worked on more

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    As people' mental well-being is given foremost consideration, adopting pets appears to be phenomenal

    They are truly a source of happiness, a place of confidentiality and sometimes an eternal servant.

    Some are for house-keeping, some are for insect feeding and others are for decoration.

    When mishaps occur, inconveniences are really exhausting and frustrating.

    LR: 5.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.5

    Quite a few grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning
     

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  13. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    323
    OVERALL: 4.0

    TR: 4.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    The essay is under-length (<250)

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    You should not include your personal opinion of the aforementioned topic in your conclusion because it’s not required

    CC: 4.0

    You need to work on your fluency

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases

    e.g: Most individuals have pets in their house as a fascinated hobby

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    e.g: it will swiftly get stinky and its smell is extremely exhaust to house's atmosphere

    LR: 4.0

    You still have an ill range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 4.5

    Lots of grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences

    There are still many spelling errors
     

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  14. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    323
    OVERALL: 5.0

    TR: 5.5

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Your sentences need to be more well-illustrated for a higher band-score

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    You should not include your personal opinion of the aforementioned topic in your introduction and conclusion because it’s not required

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases

    e.g: One the other hand

    Another negative angel when having pets

    Some illustrations for your ideas are rather redundant

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 5.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however it should be used more efficiently

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    GRA: 5.0

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences
     

    Share This Page

  15. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    323
    Overall: 5.0

    TR: 6.0

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    You use a lot of strange unusual vocabulary in here, some aren’t correctly used which can lower your band-score

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    In recent years, the trend of taking care pets in home is more common in modern life

    In addition, the owners would share their feeling or stories about other individuals or work's issues without afraid that their stories affect third parties as well as help to reduce their feeling of stress

    Some illustrations for your ideas are rather redundant/ still lack of reasons to support

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 5.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Quite a few grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the
     

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