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IELTS WRITING CONTEST - WEEK 20

Discussion in 'IELTS WRITING CONTEST - IWC' started by IELTS Forum, Dec 18, 2016.

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  1. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    593
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    322
    OVERALL: 5.5

    TR: 5.5

    Your introduction is a bit out of context. Competence is not similar to working individually to compete with other people.

    Your sentences need to be more well-illustrated for a higher band-score

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    You forgot your personal opinion of the aforementioned topic in your conclusion and introduction
    CC: 5.5

    There are quite a few misused words and phrases

    e.g: thus become more learned

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 5.5

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however it should be used more efficiently

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    GRA: 5.5

    Quite a few grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    e.g: We are living in the community, not an isolated island; therefore, it is essential to teach children to learn how to cooperate with each other

    Some sentences are dark in meaning
     

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  2. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    322
    Overall: 6.0

    TR: 6.0

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.5

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    As regards competitive environment, it is fair to say that the benefits it offers is undeniable

    It is the daily intense competitions that boost participants' potential to maximum, build personal independence and accustom them to the future tough world.

    LR: 6.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 6.0

    Few grammatical mistakes can be found
     

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  3. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    322
    Overall: 5.0

    TR: 5.0

    The essay is over-length (340 words), you shouldn’t write over 320 words for this essay

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    While some individual says that teamwork is a principal.

    Firstly, pressure makes diamonds, which means a human’s talent can be fulfil developed through competition.

    On the other hand, I believe that teamwork education can bring more benefit to the students

    The second reason, teamwork can reduce the time and conduct more specific result for a problem, if cannot achieve by yourself, why do not do it with other people

    LR: 5.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Quite a few grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning:

    Which is the main reason lead to many catastrophically event recently, including Brexit or Trump won the US President election, both of these events have a similarity is that it concentrates on the people selfishness of that country
     

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  4. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    322
    Overall: 5.0

    TR: 6.0

    The structure of the essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but you don’t seem to illustrate them clear enough in your essay

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    On the one hand, it would be helpful to mention positive points of study's environments such as combat matches.

    First of all, trainers would be able to improve their own potential to win combat game.

    For example, remembering well-known Boxer Mike Tyson's deadly blows, he must have spent more time to practise in streets and knockout his opponents or friends, then he would be so success today.

    Furthermore, children might understand spirit of "one for other" while living in teamwork environment.

    LR: 5.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Quite a few grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning:

    In football matches, midfield or other positions must have support not only strikers score goals but also others who defend to protect their goals.
     

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  5. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 6.5

    TR: 7.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Your sentences need to be more well-illustrated for a higher band-score

    CC: 6.0

    There are minor misused words and phrases

    e.g: Nevertheless, working with excellent students can somehow make children neglected? as they might convince themselves that they can depend on others to finish their given duties

    LR: 6.5

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however it should be used more efficiently

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    GRA: 6.5

    A few grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    e.g: that children be provided with a competitive environment to learn in.

    Try to use more complex sentences to raise your band-score (for the ones who write okay)
     

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  6. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 7.0

    TR: 7,0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed!

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they can be illustrated more clearly in order to get a higher band-score

    CC: 7.0

    There are minor misused words and phrases

    e.g: In most cases, competition is in the form of ranking. As a result, children who want to rank high => to be ranked need to

    LR: 6.5

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic and know how to use it effectively in the essay

    I would recommend adding some more technical terms

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    GRA: 7.5

    Your grammar is excellent

    Try to use more complex sentences to raise your band-score (for the ones who write okay)
     

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  7. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 5.0

    TR: 5.5

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Your sentences need to be more well-illustrated for a higher band-score

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.0

    There are many misused words and phrases

    e.g: Firstly, the individual's capacity is considered as a convincing aspect to them decide to gain the dream by themselves

    Some illustrations for your ideas are rather redundant

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    e.g: I contend that the completion of a child can be made concerning with both sides which are the positive competition and the activities to do each other.

    Some sentences are too long and should be cut down or be divided into 2 sentences

    LR: 5.5

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however it should be used more efficiently

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Many grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences

    There are still some spelling errors
     

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  8. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    322
    Overall: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    The ideas given are suitable for the topic, however, your fluency needs to be worked on more

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    Although it is undeniably beneficial to be a good team player, I strongly believe competing with each other is a better choice for children.

    On the one hand, teamwork is attractive for some reasons

    They become to get along easily with each other and make their relation more concrete.

    In addition, children are trained to aware of their own strengths and limitations

    LR: 5.5

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.5

    Quite a few grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning:

    They will acknowledge their skills and turn them into their talents in competitive school
     

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  9. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    322
    Overall: 6.0

    TR: 6.0

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    The ideas given are suitable for the topic, however, your fluency needs to be worked on more

    CC: 5.5

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    However, this method also put children under pressure of studying that can lead to the inferiority complex phenomenon.

    Therefore, encouraging children to work by a group will create more good effects in their studying and developing

    Following this look, the competitive environment can trigger the self-improvement in children but bringing back some negative effects in their mindset while collaborative environment shows more advantages in motivating children in learning and socializing

    LR: 6.0

    You have a good range of vocabulary

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    GRA: 6.0

    Few grammatical mistakes can be found

    Sentences are dark in meaning:

    Creating a favourable environment for children to study is a controversial topic that is raising different points of view.
     

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  10. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 5.0

    TR: 5.5

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    You have a lack of understanding when using new vocabulary. Your sentences need to be more well-illustrated for a higher band-score

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.0

    You need to work on your fluency

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases

    Some sentences don’t relate to the given topic

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    e.g: To the best of my knowledge, I totally agree with the establishment of teams.

    LR: 5.0

    You have a range of vocabulary, however it is not used efficiently

    e.g: on progression of studying of them. => on their studying progression

    Many unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Lots of grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences
     

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  11. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 4.5

    TR: 5.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed, however, there isn’t much coherence in your sentences

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 4.5

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases

    e.g: While a number of people think that it is needful for school-age people to suit in a competitive learning environment. However, it seems to me that it is more beneficial to be in a classroom in which they can learn the solidarity. => While S1+V1, S2+V2

    Some illustrations for your ideas still lack of reasons to support

    Some illustrations are redundant

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 4.5

    Vocabulary relating to the topic needs to be sharpened

    Many unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 4.5

    Lots of grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    e.g: by the people we surround ourselves

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences

    There are still many spelling errors, you should recheck the essay when finishing
     

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  12. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    322
    Overall: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    The ideas given are suitable for the topic, however, your fluency needs to be worked on more

    CC: 5.5

    There are some misused words and phrases:


    In my high school, for example, students often take examination during the term to classify those gifted students and give them to the extra classes to take national competitions

    If, for instance, youngsters are taught to compete, then they will have a wealth of experience and easily find a job in the intensely competitive society

    The first reason is that teamwork spirit is of paramount importance for schoolchildren in the classroom context because it allows them to make the most of each member strengths and minimize weaknesses.

    LR: 5.5

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.5

    Few grammatical mistakes can be found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning:

    It is argue that whether schoolchidren should study in the highly competitive environment

    Secondly, the competitive environment could expose children to the real world, where they have to compete with others
     

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  13. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 4.0

    TR: 4.0

    The essay is extremely under-length

    Your sentences need to be more well-illustrated for a higher band-score

    Your ideas aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 4.0

    You need to work on your fluency

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases

    e.g: may get high motivation to pass their partnerships

    Some illustrations for your ideas still lack of reasons to support

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 4.0

    You need to practice more on vocabulary relating to this topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 4.5

    Lots of grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    e.g: It is widely believe that children should training in the competitive environment while other argue that it is better when they doing in the teamwork.

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences
     

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  14. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Your sentences need to be more well-illustrated for a higher band-score

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.5

    There are some misused words and phrases

    e.g: in order to acquire as many mathematical problem-solving techniques if they desire to outperform others in an examination for the gifted, thereby improving their competencies

    The first crystal-clear benefit is to foster interpersonal skills among children

    Some illustrations for your ideas still lack of reasons to support

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 5.5

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however it should be used more efficiently

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    e.g: Therefore, children can acquire how to facilitate their friends

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 6.0

    Several grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    There are still some spelling errors
     

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  15. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    322
    Overall: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but you don’t seem to illustrate them clear enough in your essay

    CC 5.0

    There are many misused words and phrases:

    Students are stimulated to put more effort in study when in a race with others.

    The low-rank will do their best to keep up with fellows while students at high ranks try to maintain their positions

    Good teamplayers always try to complete their tasks and roles on time, therefore, students have a chance to develop their full potentials in order to meet targets and support others

    LR: 5.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    Some unusual words which are wrongly used in this essay

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.5

    Quite a few grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the
     

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