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IELTS WRITING CONTEST - WEEK 8

Discussion in 'IELTS WRITING CONTEST - IWC' started by Hoàng ZIM, Aug 28, 2016.

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  1. HuyIELTS

    HuyIELTS Master

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    The aggressive and violent reactions of individual arrested by traffic officer are becoming more popular among society recently. I personally disagree with these responses but in some circumstances, these are acceptable.
    First of all, brutal feedbacks of many citizens are unacceptable for several reasons, which are related to potential results and terrible example for young generations.Nowadays, many people are arrested because they break the legislation. There are variety of reasons why citizen violate the law but advertently or inadvertently, its consequences are extremly serious. They may imperil their live and others, cause people death and the lost of proverty so these types of reaction make no sense . Obviously,having a aggressive attitude with people who secure our own safety is unreasonable. In addition, children's mind is vunerable and they consider their parents as an example that they want to be when they grow up. As a result, violent reactions may have a negative influence on their development, causes their bad habitats when they become adult citizens in the future.
    On the other hand, citizen's strong reaction may be suitable in many situations. For instance, when the immoral of many police officers actracts an enormous amount of concern in our society, their response is acceptable. It is difficult for a innocent citizen to act normally when they have to pay a large amount of forfeit that does not even exsist.However, these kind of circumstance are pretty rare or even no longer exsist.
    In conclusion, there are many reasons why citizens have violent reactions with traffic police. In my opinion, although these reaction may be suitable in some situation, generally, they represent ethnic degradation.
     

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    Last edited: Aug 28, 2016
  2. Ahmedelgarhy

    Ahmedelgarhy New Member

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    Nowadays, we have witnessed many unprecedented incidents, in which some citizens refuse to comply with officers’ orders on the road. Moreover, some troublemakers act violently and aggressively. In my opinion, this is an absurd behavior that should be condemned in all societies.

    Obviously, many police officers aim to save our lives and ensure public safety on the road. Having said that, it is the traffic officer’s job to stop any offenders and deter people from breaking the law. Therefore, disobeying the police or behaving in a violent manner has detrimental consequences. In the US, for instance, if you choose to not comply with orders, the officer has the right to use violence, including shooting the offender. However, if you followed the order, this would ensure your safety and the wellbeing of the low enforcement officer. Consequently, it is clear that violence only leads to violence and you can end up in prison for breaking the law by resisting traffic police.

    On the other hand, individuals should be educated on how to deal with police orders to stop. For example, in the UK, citizens are required to follow a specific sequence of actions when they are caught. They have to comply with all orders, raise their hands where officers can see them clearly, and hand their license papers if they are asked to. Meanwhile, local authorities must ensure that all police officers, who break the law or humiliate citizens in any way get the suitable punishment.

    In conclusion, we must appreciate the sacrifices that officers make to ensure our own safety. I feel that disobeying traffic officers is a shameful and unlawful act, however, awareness campaigns among people can mitigate the effects of this trend significantly.
     

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  3. utbongtuyet

    utbongtuyet New Member

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    Recently, traffic officers have had to constantly deal with agressive and violent tendency of some vehicles owners getting caught. To my strong belief, as it has become more widespread, the unreasonable conflict with traffic police should be solved, starting with understanding the nature of drivers' reactions and the consequences of this negative attitude.

    The issue has raised a debate on various reasons why some people express such strong reaction to the police. The first explanation given is the fear of getting involved in later- on procedures. They bear in mind that being caught can absolutely lead to other problems, for example having their car kept for days in the police station. In addition, those problems cost them more than the amount of resources including money, time they have to spend for their violating the rules. Another reason is the deeply rooted idea in the society among the society. People usually consider police officers abusing their authority and assigning unusual tasks for people to complete. The prejudice has lasted for so long that some drivers do not realize the fact that those officers are doing with responsibility. Furthermore, some cases of bribery which continuously appears on daily life newspapers have causes a huge doubt on police's honesty. Agression and violence can also derive from drivers who are not acquired sufficiently with traffic rules. Today it is not hard to get the driving licence and people have tricks for passing all rules questions in driving test, thus, drivers are more likely to lose their temper when they are hesitated whether they are wrong. They have the intention to think they are detained irrationally.

    The reaction dicussed on causes above can have some influences on the police, the vehicles owners as well as the whole society. First, it would be a struggle to get rid of traditional ideas about traffic police. It has existed for many years so people keep mistrusting their sayings and duties. Second, police are at risk whenever facing the agressive drivers. They are not worth being injured for punishing the wrongdoings and they are trying to show their respect to whom they serve. Last but not least, people who are caught would not learn a lesson themshelves if they are released. The experience prevents them from making mistakes in the future, therefore, they should veer towards positive attitudes instead.
    To sum up, with the awareness of how the aggression and violence are formed and their effects, not only traffic police are able to address and cope with the problems but also the drivers have the appropriate reaction in specific traffic situation.
     

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  4. huong1234561

    huong1234561 New Member

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    Nowadays, people tend to almost lose their temper when they are stopped by traffic police and this lead to several inappropriate behaviors. In my opinion, although it is considered the instinct of human being, I would argue that people should behave in smart way when in these situations.

    On the one hand, there are numerous reasons which can explain for the emotion when people are stuck in unwanted situations and face with police. Firstly, it is extremely difficult for people to easily reach their destinations in many developing countries such as Vietnam due to the undeveloped the infrastructure systems. Therefore this always drives people to be in bad mood, much less being ceased by the police. Secondly, some police take their advantages and their right and they do not do exactly as prescribed by laws. For example, a large number of citizens were fined without knowing visible reasons, which is what makes they immediately express their discontent.

    On the other hand, it is better for all individuals to calm down to find the most effective method to solve the problems when being kept by traffic police. This is because when you are calm, you are likely to see through and fully understand what situation you are in. for example, recently, in social network, the public share to each other a video which recorded a conversation of how an intelligent woman confronted with police in polite way. She neither is fined nor disqualified her driving lience, and this gained a lot of community praise. In conclusion, people had better act as intellectuals instead of acting as aggressive human.

    To sum up, while it is normal that people would naturally act in violent ways, it seems to me that it is better for them to handle the situation of being interfered by police in more subtle approach.
     

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  5. jadehwang

    jadehwang New Member

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    The rapid prevalence of public negative reaction to being caught by traffic police has become a phenomenon triggering hotly debates. In my opinion, I totally disagree with such adverse behaviours.

    First of all, hostility towards police disturbs the public order. The duty of traffic police is to ensure the safety of traffic, thus in most of cases, the police issue the pull-over order to people who atually violate the law. Guiltiers tend to show negative reactions in this case as they detest being involved in red tape and fining. Such reactions expose their resistance to officers in the performance of duties, which is an illegal behaviour.

    Moreover, adverse manners disfigure the image of civilized society. In a modern world where good manner is one of the standard to value individual, bad behaviours are against mankind progress. Especially in term of pulbic activity such as traffic, people who show anger and violence to police are ruining the other’s standard behaviours as a contribution to a better image of society. Some may claim that the police’s corruption is partly a precursor to such reactions. However, even if individuals are caught for irrelevent and unconvincing reasons, their calmness, rationality and full knowledge of law are rather needed to make proper explanations that protect themselves.

    In conclusion, under no circumstance should negative behaviours such as aggression and violence to traffic police be allowed. Both police and traffic participants should respect the law to make the traffic a safe service and the society a civilized place.
     

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  6. ahmed0mortada

    ahmed0mortada New Member

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    Traffic congestion has showed a huge swelling recently. As a result , many individuals has been caught for breaking traffic laws. While some reacted to that appropriately , there are many others showed aggressive reactions and sometimes violence. However, in my estimation , it is totally disagreed to practice any anger or physical harm upon any police officer.

    Firstly, adults should be fully responsible for their actions and accept the consequences willingly. For example , I can recall many times when I have been stopped by traffic police for exceeding the speed limit. Despite the very rough treatment I got from the officer and the extremely expensive bill I needed to pay, I faced that with a smile and a 'thank you'. Being driven by the responsibility to handle the burden caused as a result from my own behaviors was the prime precursor for my reaction. Thus, it is obviously clear why this trend is not acceptable.

    Moreover, if those rules were not applied on all illegal driving practices a traffic catastrophe could possibly happen. Thus, a traffic keeper should not be blamed for enforcing the law. For instance, while visiting India, it became apparent to me that most of the traffic accidents were mostly catalyzed by disrespecting the traffic laws and police. This kind of manners are witnessed in many other developing countries as well. Therefor, the rate of traffic crisis reported in these nations is much higher than in communities where the law is admired. Having that said, this is yet another reason why drivers should appreciate the traffic police dedication.

    To conclude, traffic congestion and problems can not be solved unless the authority responsible for protecting it is respected and appreciated. It is hoped that drivers around the globe should help the police in promoting best services.
     

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  7. Uyen265

    Uyen265 Master

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    Recently, there has been an considerable increasing in people's negative attitudes towards punishment practices of transport polices. While some people think that this reaction can be sympathized and acceptable, I strongly oppose these coarse manners due to some following reasons.

    On the other side of this debatable issue, those who in favor of these impolite behaviors believe that there should always be reasons hidden behind the anger of people stopped by traffic polices. This rude reaction might be a result of the unfairness that they suffered, which caused by heavy fines without convincing proofs or might simply by some polices' arrogance. For instance, many of my friends experienced this annoying feeling when they were forced to stopped suddenly without knowing what exactly faults they made and they also had to pay an amount of money as a penalty. Besides, there are numerous bad rumors related to the integrity of a part of traffic polices those doubted to involve in bribery. This fraud has caused a great loss in belief of large part of citizens those seems to accept impolite reactions more easily.

    However, being an opposer, I recommend that these impoliteness and violence need to be alleviated because, it is illegal to have violent action at public places. If caught people could not control themselves and started conflict with the police they might be sued for other guilt such as abuse or having means to harm other person. In addition, traffic polices have an vital role in preventing congestion, executing rules for the safety of transportation system. Although, there are some of them are having unethical practices, it is obvious that those are minority. For example, in many cases, traffic polices has successfully completed their mission and kept drivers be safe. That should be the reason why they are worthy to receive respect.

    After all, I believe that it does not make sense to be rude or angry when being caught since every problems could be solved smoothly with polite attitude and regulatory compliance.
     

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  8. Maiamie

    Maiamie New Member

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    It cannot be denied that there is a number of people responding negatively towards traffic police when they are pulled over. Although some people argue that traffic police are deserved to such perilous action, I completely disagree with that perception.

    Though some traffic participants are furious about the heavy fine of a minor traffic police with unconvincing reasons, regarding their contribution, traffic officers play an indispensible role in an effort of controlling traffic circulation and they should be respected. It is ubiquitous for traffic policemen or even police women to direct traffic especially in rush hours regardless of extreme weathers. For example, in Ho Chi Minh City yesterday, there was an extremely heavy rain which made thousands of people be stuck on the roads, hundreds of traffic officers took responsibility of circulating and aiding people to escape from the flood.

    Moreover, not mention to traffic congestion, accidents might be the major concern of urban areas without the control of police. That there are some people who usually break the laws when circulating on the roads cause detrimental effects to others people. For instance, because of the carelessness of drivers, there is a large number of serious accidents were occurred leading to thousands of deaths annually worldwide. In addition, without police’s control, major cities may witness the increasing rate of crime. For example, people travelling are vulnerable to pickpockets, robbers and purse-snatchers.

    In conclusion, although people who respond aggressively or even violently to police traffic might have their own reasons, citizens in general should show respect to them as their important contribution to their countries.
     

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  9. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    KẾT QUẢ CUỘC THI IWC TUẦN 8

    Nếu như theo đúng luật thì tuần này sẽ không có bạn nào được giải, nhưng sau một khoảng thời gian hội ý và cân nhắc, ban tổ chức vẫn quyết định trao giải ba cho 2 bạn có bài viết được 6.0, mặc dù bài làm bị nộp một chút ^^!
    • Danh sách các bạn đạt giải như sau:
      • Ahmedelgarhy - 6.0 - ZIM C - Giải thưởng 50.000 VNĐ
      • Singapore0906 - 6.0 - ZIM C - Giải thưởng 50.000 VNĐ
    • Ngày mai các admin sẽ public nhận xét cho từng bài tham gia đúng quy định trong đợt này, ảnh dưới là kết quả điểm làm bài của các bạn.
    • Các bạn trúng thưởng comment số điện thoại vào bên dưới để admin liên hệ gửi phần thưởng nhé
    Cuối cùng, IELTS Forum xin chúc cả nhà một kì nghỉ lễ 2/9 vui vẻ :p

    Thân ái !
    ZIM KQ.png
     

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  10. td7122004

    td7122004 Master

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    nếu có thể thì các mod cho bọn mình xem thử 1 bài mẫu tầm 8.0 trở lên đc k, có thể tụi mình sẽ học đc nhiều hơn từ đó
     

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  11. Singapore0906

    Singapore0906 Master

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    Admin ơi, số điện thoại của em nha: 01208228448. Tks Admin nhiều.
     

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  12. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    OVERALL: 5.5

    TR: 6.5

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    The ideas given are suitable for the topic

    CC: 5.0

    There are still some misused words and phrases

    e.g: rude reactions, feeling of suspicion,…

    Some illustrations for your ideas are rather childlike, not suitable for an argumentative essay

    e.g: yelling at traffic police

    LR: 5.5

    Your example is too general and not really convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Try to use more complex sentences to raise your band-score

    There are still some spelling errors e.g: agressive
     

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  13. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    Overall: 5.0

    TR: 5.0

    The structure of the essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but you don’t seem to illustrate them clear enough in your essay

    CC: 5.0

    There are many misused words and phrases:

    Firstly, with some people behave badly, they are definitely wrong

    Because they go overspeed for some reasons or they go on the wrong line, traffic police has to stop them to reduce the traffic accidents.

    Secondly, some traffic police stops people to fine because of the tiny little problems that don't worthy.

    Some illustrations are rather redundant:

    they should learn how to control anger and talk to the traffic police kindly, maybe the police will let you go.

    LR: 5.0

    You have an adequate range of vocabulary relating to the topic but you need a deeper understanding of the words in order to better utilize them

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Some grammatical mistakes can still be found in the essay
     

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  14. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    Overall: 4.5

    TR: 5.0

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 4.0

    There are many misused words and phrases:

    As the modern society, speaking up your ideas is very important, that explain why recently, many anger and debate between traffic police and law-violated people has been increasing

    Speaking for your own words is important in the modern life. We can share our ideas with other people, even our prime minister

    Furthermore, I think it is not all about the wanted to speak up, it is also the faded of trust to the weak policy system which contain many problems to equal its own and the citizen’s benefit.

    For instant, when stopping people car, they should show the drivers their fault was caught in the camera, also tell them it was violated which section in the law code.

    Some illustrations are redundant:

    The old people has a sentence, hundred listen cannot compare with one see.

    LR: 4.5

    Your vocabulary relating to the topic is adequate but you need a deeper understanding of the words in order to better utilize them

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 4.5

    There are many grammatical mistakes in the essay
     

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  15. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

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    OVERALL: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas and illustrate them well in your essay

    This is a balanced essay, but your personal statement in the opening hasn’t expressed that you’re okay with the first argument yet.

    CC: 5.5

    There are some misused words and phrases

    e.g: We are trying to make this world more beautiful which expects the harmony

    their works are surely based on the benefits of all citizens in the communities.

    civil society

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 5.5

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    e.g: The knowledge shortage on traffic laws are likely

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    There are still some spelling errors
     

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