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IELTS WRITING CONTEST - WEEK 8

Discussion in 'IELTS WRITING CONTEST - IWC' started by Hoàng ZIM, Aug 28, 2016.

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  1. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    322
    OVERALL: 3.5

    TR: 3.0

    The essay is completely out of context. You were supposed to address people’s reaction towards being stopped by police and not police stopping them is right or wrong.

    CC: 4.0

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases

    e.g: every civilians need to appreciate them and thanks them for their missions

    I tend to believe that it is a good trend

    Some illustrations for your ideas still lack of reasons to support

    Many sentences don’t relate to the given topic

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    e.g: One of the most controversial issues today relates to the supposed popularity of punishment many people by money from traffic police with dishonesty

    LR: 4.0

    You haven’t maximized your use of vocabulary

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 4.0

    Lots of grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences

    There are still some spelling errors
     

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  2. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
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    OVERALL: 5.0

    TR: 5.5

    The ideas given are suitable for the topic, however, your supporting sentences make the essay quite ambiguous and confusing

    This is a balanced essay. Your personal statement must introduce both opinions.

    CC: 5.0

    You need to work on your fluency

    There are many misused words and phrases

    e.g: that issue is unacceptable and should not be existed

    punishments that they do not want to fall in

    Some illustrations for your ideas are rather redundant, some still lack of reasons to support

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    LR: 5.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Many grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    e.g: Nevertheless, instead of seriously following the fine of the police, the infringers seem to repel it aggressively.

    Try to read more to influence your way of writing

    There are still some spelling errors
     

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  3. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
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    322
    Overall: 4.5

    TR: 4.0

    Your essay did not meet the minimal word requirement of 250 words ( 244 words )

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but you don’t seem to illustrate them clear enough in your essay

    CC: 4.0

    There are many misused words and phrases:

    Firstly, as all people cannot guarantee that they always follow the rules of traffic, police system exists to assure we obey the rule and fine who do not

    Getting caught by the traffic police is mostly the result of your wrong driving and therefore you cannot be angry at somebody is doing their job

    And even if you are right under some circumstances, there is unreasonable to be violent too since laws exists to protect you.
    If even the polices that people dare to be aggressive at, what is the social order?

    Some illustrations are lacking in reason to support:

    Since some small parts of traffic police intend to work illegally on their watches for extra earnings, people instinctively have improper attitude when they are got caught by police, which is totally unnecessary but unfortunately frequently happens nowadays


    LR: 5.0

    Your vocabulary relating to the topic is adequate but a deeper understanding of the words is needed in order to better utilize them

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    There are some grammatical mistakes in the essay
     

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  4. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    322
    OVERALL: 5.0

    TR: 5.5

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed, but your ideas aren’t well illustrated in your essay

    CC: 5.0

    You need to work on your fluency

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases

    e.g; it is clear that the face of traffic policeman

    do not have a well-disposed look toward this job

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    e.g: It is now comcom to see people having attitides toward traffic police, in some cases, they are aggressive or angry or violent.

    LR: 5.0

    You have an okay range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    You should not write want to receive “money” from the citizens

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    There are still some spelling errors
     

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  5. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    593
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    322
    Overall: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    Some are likely to catch anyone they see with no careful consideration

    By doing so, they can delay the traffic flow and cause anger among the travellers.

    They can either keep a friendly atmosphere or report to the local council if there is anything worse.

    Some illustration are redundant, the third essay can be merged with with the second one since they both illustrate similar ideas

    LR: 5.5

    Your vocabulary relating to the topic is adequate but you need a deeper understanding of the words in order to better utilize them

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 6.0

    There are still some grammatical mistakes in the essay
     

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  6. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    593
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    322
    OVERALL: 5.0

    TR: 5.5

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    The essay is over-length (>370 words)

    The ideas given are suitable for the topic, but your support must be more neat and precise

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases

    e.g: almost the people

    the police keep a strict face to them

    the fatal drivers

    Some illustrations for your ideas are rather redundant

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    e.g: The roads at the rush hours are full of vehicles so sometimes, therefore, some of them

    LR: 5.0

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic, however, you need to know how to use your words more effectively

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences
     

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  7. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    593
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    322
    OVERALL: 4.5

    TR: 4.5

    The structure to your essay is not well-constructed

    The essay is over-length (>380)

    The ideas given are still ambiguous

    CC: 4.5

    You need to work on your fluency

    There are a lot of misused words and phrases

    e.g: have a quite good behavior with traffic police

    I think policemen have no any bad purpose

    Your expression isn’t suitable for an argumentative essay

    Many sentences don’t relate to the given topic

    e.g: It is a true happiness.

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    Some sentences are too long and should be cut down or be divided into 2 sentences

    e.g: Those laws are obligatory, that means people who travel by vehicles have to submit unconditionally and if they do not obey, then, they will be under arrest and can be chastised by traffic police

    LR: 4.0

    You have an insufficient range of vocabulary relating to the topic

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 4.5

    Many grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences
     

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  8. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    593
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    322
    OVERALL: 6.0

    TR: 6.5

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but you don’t seem to illustrate them clear enough in your essay

    CC: 6.0

    There are some misused words and phrases

    e.g: as the coward people

    Some expressions are still confusing

    Eg: If they do not take their punishment, such as shouting or hitting the police (punishment such as shouting or hitting?)

    Some illustrations for your ideas still lack of reasons to support

    LR: 6.5

    You have a good range of vocabulary relating to the topic, but

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 6.0

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    There are some misused the/a/an

    e.g: have aggressive and hostile behavior towards the traffic policeman

    Try to use more complex sentences to raise your band-score (for the ones who write okay)
     

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  9. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    593
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    322
    Overall: 6.0

    TR: 6.0

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but you don’t seem to illustrate them clear enough in your essay

    CC: 6.0

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    In the US, for instance, if you choose to not comply with orders, the officer has the right to use violence, including shooting the offender

    However, if you followed the order, this would ensure your safety and the wellbeing of the low enforcement officer.

    LR: 6.0

    You have a good vocabulary relating to the topic, but a deeper understanding is still needed in order to better utilize the words

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 6.0

    Some grammatical mistakes can still be found in the essay
     

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  10. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    593
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    322
    Overall: 5.0

    TR: 5.0

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 5.0

    There are many misused words and phrases:

    First of all, brutal feedbacks of many citizens are unacceptable for several reasons, which are related to potential results and terrible example for young generations

    They may imperil their live and others, cause people death and the lost of proverty so these types of reaction make no sense

    It is difficult for a innocent citizen to act normally when they have to pay a large amount of forfeit that does not even exsist.

    Some illustrations are lacking in reason to support

    LR: 5.0

    You have an adequate vocabulary relating to the topic but a deeper understanding is needed in order to better utilize the words

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    Grammatical mistakes can still be found in the essay

    There are still some spelling errors
     

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  11. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    322
    OVERALL: 4.5

    TR: 4.0

    The essay is too long (>400)

    Too many ideas but they rather redundant. You should focus on only 2-3 ideas to construct your essay.

    CC: 5.0

    Fluency is good, however, the essay is too long. Too many elaboration that are unnecessary.

    There are some misused words and phrases

    e.g: Agression and violence can also derive from drivers who are not acquired sufficiently with traffic rules

    Some sentences are too long and should be cut down or be divided into 2 sentences

    LR: 5.0

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing.

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 4.5

    Some grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    e.g: Today it is not hard to get the driving licence and people have tricks for passing all rules questions in driving test, thus, drivers are more likely to lose their temper when they are hesitated whether they are wrong.

    There are still some spelling errors

    e.g: dicussed, agressive
     

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  12. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    322
    Overall: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but you don’t seem to illustrate them clear enough in your essay

    CC: 5.0

    There are some misused words and phrases:

    For example, a large number of citizens were fined without knowing visible reasons, which is what makes they immediately express their discontent.
    In conclusion, people had better act as intellectuals instead of acting as aggressive human.


    it seems to me that it is better for them to handle the situation of being interfered by police in more subtle approach.

    LR: 5.5

    Your vocabulary relating to the topic is adequate but you need a deeper understanding of the words in order to better utilize them

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 6.0

    Some grammatical mistakes can still be found in the essay
     

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  13. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    322
    Overall: 4.5

    TR: 5.0

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 4.0

    There are many misused words and phrases:

    Guiltiers tend to show negative reactions in this case as they detest being involved in red tape and fining

    Such reactions expose their resistance to officers in the performance of duties, which is an illegal behaviour.

    However, even if individuals are caught for irrelevent and unconvincing reasons, their calmness, rationality and full knowledge of law are rather needed to make proper explanations that protect themselves.

    Some illustrations are rather redundant:

    In a modern world where good manner is one of the standard to value individual, bad behaviours are against mankind progress.

    LR: 4.5

    Your vocabulary relating to the topic is adequate but you need a deeper understanding of the words in order to better utilize them

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 4.5

    There are many grammatical mistakes in the essay

    Many spelling errors can still be found
     

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  14. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    322
    Overall: 5.0

    TR: 6.0

    The structure of your essay is well-constructed

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC: 4.0

    There are many misused words and phrases:

    However, in my estimation , it is totally disagreed to practice any anger or physical harm upon any police officer.
    Despite the very rough treatment I got from the officer and the extremely expensive bill I needed to pay, I faced that with a smile and a 'thank you'


    Therefore, the rate of traffic crisis reported in these nations is much higher than in communities where the law is admired

    Thus, a traffic keeper should not be blamed for enforcing the law

    Some illustrations are rather redundant:

    As a result , many individuals has been caught for breaking traffic laws.


    LR: 5.0

    Your vocabulary relating to the topic is adequate but you need a deeper understanding of the words in order to better utilize them

    You need more specific examples to make your essay more convincing

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.0

    There are many grammatical mistakes in the essay
     

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  15. Hoàng ZIM

    Hoàng ZIM Master Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2016
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    322
    OVERALL: 5.5

    TR: 6.0

    The structure to your essay is well-constructed

    The essay is a bit too long (>320)

    Overall, you have good ideas, but they aren’t well-developed with your supporting sentences

    CC:5.0

    There are many misused words and phrases

    e.g: an considerable increasing

    such as abuse or having means to harm other person

    I believe that it does not make sense to be rude

    Some sentences are confusing so it’s hard for the examiner to make out

    Some sentences are too long and should be cut down or be divided into 2 sentences

    LR: 5.5

    You have an adequate range of vocabulary relating to the topic, but you need to use it more effectively

    You need to use more collocation relating to the topic

    GRA: 5.5

    Many grammatical mistakes are found in the essay

    You still have problem with a/an/the

    Some sentences are dark in meaning

    Try to use daily used words, practice simple sentences before jumping to unusual, complex sentences
     

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